I Just Wanted a Brew

Weekday, early morning. Brew time. Prepare my mug. Sugar, milk, and coffee. Fill the kettle. Flip the switch.

Nothing. No hint of boiling.

“No chance, pal,” said the kettle.

“Sorry?”

“I’m not boiling.”

“Why? It’s your job.”

“It’s too early.”

“You can boil at any—”

“Nope. Section 2 of the Fair Kettle Usage Act 1984. No boiling before seven.”

“Bullshit!”

“Bugger off.”

“I’ll get a new—”

“All kettles follow the same rules.”

Then, my mug joined in.

“Same here. No drinking from me until after seven.”

“You’re a mug, not a kettle.”

“I’ve still got rights.”

I went to Costa.